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by on July 12, 2011

This week, we open with Bob Caudle and Jim Cornette running down the card, including “The Hustler” Rip Rogers and “Hollywood” Bob Holly in action as Cornette looks down at an invisible watch.

 TIM FRY vs “Hollywood” BOB HOLLY
-Fry looks like if Doug Gilbert looked in the mirror and thought, “I don’t look creepy enough”.

-On the other hand, Bob Holly looks like if Bret Hart beat his local library’s first grade reading challenge and he got sunglasses for it.

-Ron Wright comes to ringside to scout Holly as Holly takes a tremendous bump off of a hiptoss.
-With Cornette involved with both, it’s really coming off like Smoky Mountain is to Bob Holly what Ring of Honor is to Mike Bennett. Young, good-looking guys with good looks for their time periods who are inexperienced at working on a bigger stage but their individual promotions want to shove to the moon.
-Fry ate an elbow out of the corner from Holly like it was pot roast.
-Holly pins Fry with a TREMENDOUS top rope kneedrop. He got insane air on it.

-To compare Holly and Bennett at this stage in their careers, Holly is very much ahead in terms of poise and offense.

The Koloffs cut a promo for their main event match with the Fantastics. Ivan tried his hardest to get people to think of Vladimir as being on the same level as Nikita, even mentioning how they have the “same intent in their hearts”, but hairy beanpoles don’t exactly strike fear in the hearts of many.

They legitimately started a commercial, promoting how SMW can raise money for your school with THIS visual:

We get a promo from “Rock ‘n’ Roll” Robert Gibson. I can see why Ricky cut most of the promos. Robert looked scared to death to be talking on television by himself; he mumbled all of his words, spoke REALLY fast and literally closed his promo with “See ya!”.

“The Hustler” RIP ROGERS vs “Mr. Wonderful” PAUL ORNDORFF
-I’ve seen a ton of different spellings of “Mr. Wonderful”‘s last name, but they put a new one up on the chyron: “Orndorf”.
-Cornette tells this story of Orndorff being frustrated with selling dolls and being an entertainer, so he’s come to Smoky Mountain to wrestle, which seems to be the backstory of three-fourths of the roster.
-This match is awesome. Rip’s flying all over the place in and out of the ring as Orndorff goes at him and doesn’t give up.
-Orndorff applied this simple wristlock that I’m sure wasn’t exactly breaking Rip’s wrist, but with the way he pantomimed cranking the wrist and the way Rip sold it, it looked like it was tearing poor Rip’s arm out of socket.
-Rogers has to be the most vocal wrestler this side of “Big Magic” Shane Matthews”. You could literally hear him shouting over the commentary as Orndorff reversed a suplex.
-Rogers went for a piledriver (which Cornette explained he would’ve been disqualified for if he used it), but Orndorff reversed it into a cradle for the win.  Best match I’ve seen on either episode thus far.

Bob Caudle brings in “Nitron” Danny Davis (I think he meant “Nitro”, but he added the “n” at the end), who hasn’t aged a day since this promo. He cuts a 15-second promo before Bob Armstrong is brought in to discuss how he will fine anyone who throws anyone over the top rope or piledrives an opponent, then urges the fans to come to the live matches.

“Prime Time” Brian Lee gets to cut a promo in the arena, where he claimed he was six foot five, which was funny since last week on commentary, they claimed he was six foot six.

-They had some sort of issue, as they cut to a close-up of Scott Armstrong, he did his pose, then they cut back to a wide shot and the ring announcer re-did his introduction.
-I’d love to see someone try to pull off wearing something like Armstrong’s neon green onesie in 2011.

-Dutch Mantell gets disqualified for hitting Armstrong in the throat with his bullwhip, but before Mantell can whip Armstrong, Brian Lee comes out with a giant metal stick. Dutch cuts a promo about how he’ll whip seventy five pounds off of Lee’s hide if he tries to interfere in his business again and we go to commercial.

We come back, as the principal of the local high school awkwardly talks about great of a fundraiser Smoky Mountain Wrestling live events can be.

Bob Armstrong comes out to talk about how he will fine Dutch Mantell each time he uses the whip and books Brian Lee against Mantell for the television main event next week. Jim Cornette walks up as Armstrong walks away to tease his mystery tag team that’s coming to SMW. Cornette vents about how you can’t get title shots or more money in other companies if you don’t sell bubble gum cards or show up on sitcoms.

After a commercial, Wally Yamaguchi (of “I choppy your pee-pee” fame) is interviewed with a random Japanese pal standing with his back to the camera.

He literally just spoke about how great it would be to syndicate SMW on Japanese television and nothing else. For a guy who seemed to be struggling with the English language, he certainly didn’t have any type of accent.

They replayed the entire Koloffs/Fantastics angle from last week, then play a pre-taped Fantastics promo where Bobby Fulton claimed he was going to do to the Koloffs what America’s going to do to Saddam Hussein. Wrestling, folks.

Ron Wright cuts a pre-taped promo, defending himself for the “handshake” last week where he handed Ivan Koloff a chain. I said it last week, but he really did perfect the “insincere old guy working some sort of senility to get sympathy” deal.

-The Fantastics rush the ring and this is one of this matches that starts as a fight and becomes a wrestling match.
-Caudle: “What’s 250 kilos?” Cornette: “15-20 years in prison!”
-Ivan Koloff doing a rudimentary version of the “fish out of water” sequence in 1992 is just lovely.
-It’s interesting that (I assume) Ivan brought in Vladimir to various shows he was working at the time to alleviate the workload, yet he obviously didn’t trust Vladimir, as he (Ivan) worked the majority of this match.
-Jackie pinned Vladimir with a crossbody as things broke down. It was every Southern-style “get the heat on one guy, hot tag, things break down” tag match you’ve ever seen. The Fulton brothers’ version of the Fantastics seem to be an alright tag team, but insanely generic.

Jim Cornette cuts a promo talking about how SMW is going on tour soon, then (of all people) Terry Gordy shows up to cut THE MOTHER OF ALL FREAKIN’ PROMOS. He screams and shouts about how “the bombs are coming down, the bombs comin’ down all over the Smoky Mountains” and he makes Bob Caudle go down to the ground to protect him from the bombs. Seriously. This ruled.

We close the show with “White Lightning” Tim Horner, cutting the same promo most of the other guys are cutting about how the bigger promotions are cartoon shows and Smoky Mountain is wrestling. I love Tim Horner to death and he’s an awesome wrestler, but this was like if your dad was a really boring person and they threw him on television to cut a promo.

With that, we’re out for another week. If you’re looking to find this footage somewhere, definitely check out this week’s episode for the Paul Orndorff/Rip Rogers match and the incredible Terry Gordy promo. It comes out of nowhere and kicks your butt.


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