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El Pasco, Texas: Chris Nowinski Invitational – Top Six Unprotected Chairshots in Wrestling History

by on July 11, 2011

By Ben Pasco

I have to admit that I feel almost callous for conceiving this list. Concussions in sports are incredibly serious and I have no desire to see these men as drooling vegetables, nor drooling fruits. This is a very serious issue and I don’t fault anyone for refusing to take or dish out unprotected chairshots.

 

Now that “I being super cereal” is out of the way, let’s commence the destruction. In honor of the near-complete eradication of the unprotected chairshot I present to you a list. It’s not just any list, but a list that will soon be forgotten by the men on the list. It’ll be forgotten because these chairshots have caused more spots on the brain then a man with a Dalmatian for a hat. This is a list of six of the most horrifying, brutal, disgusting and most importantly, complete radical chair shots ever thrown in wrestling history.

 

6. Rob Terry vs Homicide:

 

Coming in at number six in this countdown is Homicide declaring the NFL irrelevant and smashing a chair over Rob Terry’s dome. Homicide completely lobotomizes Mr. Terry with a chairshot, though it seemed to effect Bryan Alvarez more. This chairshot caused a firestorm of controversy and absolutely infuriated some random people. This was seen by some as the most heinous thing in the history of wrestling. Personally, I just thought it was awesome, but then again I don’t seek to write exposes on wrestling companies. Some may look on the dark side, but I look on the “HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME” side. TNA…well, TNA looks on the six sides. TNA took a lot of heat for this one and the unprotected chairshot, but in the grand scheme of things, AIDS is still real so who gives a fuck?

 

5. Balls Mahoney vs. “some dude”

Balls Mahoney is to chairshots what Pat Boone was at stealing black people’s music. In this clip, the ‘Hardcore Chair-Swinging Freak” levels some random dude in a suit at some show here and ultimately destroys him. This chairshot is pretty much indicative of Balls’ chairshot skills and all the memories he erased. I could have picked from thousands of Balls Mahoney “Alzheimering” people with chairshots, but this one had the perfect combination of no camera cuts and sheer brutality. It’s crazy to think that this dude agreed to get so completely destroyed by Balls and his name isn’t even on the video. Longevity.

 

4. Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar

Sometimes it’s not about the power of the shot or about selling it like death. This chairshot makes it because of the complete destruction of the chair off of “Vanilla Gorilla”’s head. Even Taker seems surprised that Brock isn’t immediately dead. The dent in the chair is just absolutely absurd. I have a feeling Brock’s mysterious illnesses are caused by the fact he has no brain anymore.

(Note: For some reason, the Youtube video won’t embed, so just click on this link.)

 

3. Arsenal vs. “some broad”

 

Elsa Bangz appears on the list as the only female. Canadian indy star The Arsenal absolutely levels the former International Wrestling Syndicate SLI member with a chairshot that looks like total death. I legitimately have been IWS nostalgic lately and urge people to track down any stuff they can find. They had the best internet presence for years and years and, with their monthly Bloodstream show, were able to get over guys like Kevin Steen, El Generico, 2.0, Sexxxy Eddy, Beef Wellington, Player Uno, Franky the Mobster,Viking, and so on before they even stepped in the ring. Coupled with all those amazing talents, were moments like this of utter carnage. This chairshot is just a brief memory of some of those good times from IWS.

 

2. Jeff Hardy vs Brock Lesnar 

Someone needs to keep tabs on Sable before she ends up murdered. Brock Lesnar eats probably the most disgusting chairshot on the list from the most disgusting person on the list. I can’t tell if Jeff threw the best chairshot ever or almost decapitated Brock because he throws his chairshots with suchm crystal meth force. Brock’s a sociopath as it is, but between this and the Taker chairshot, I’m concerned for his family. His brain’s so fucked up that he’s going to kill the dogs enclosed in the pool area.

 

1. Ken Shamrock vs. The Rock

 

This one gets the nod and I really can’t see any argument against it. Not only does the “World’s Most Dangerous Man” take the world’s most dangerous chairshot, but The Rock swings for the fences like Kenny Griffey Jr. (I’m talking Seattle Mariner Griffey and not Cincinnati Red Griffey). I’ve never see anyone take the swing that way before or since and the result is probably the most memorable chairshot of the Attitude Era.

Ben

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