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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 6/18/94

by on June 20, 2011

We open with a tremendous Vince McMahon screaming hype package for King of the Ring. This ate up a good couple of minutes. If only we could all strive to wear such a gorgeous crown…

TATANKA vs DAVE CRINER
-Oddly enough, Tatanka started off in the ring, much like the signature “enhancement wrestler” style of entrance.
-I’ve seen some awful haircuts on both the WWF and WCW television shows I’ve been reviewing. Dave Criner might take the cake…

-These two traded some chops like nobody’s business. Guys seemed to work way looser on WWF TV than WCW, but these two were hitting each other like money was owed.
-Owen Hart ended up being interviewed by Jerry Lawler on the interview stage during the match, as Owen drew Tatanka in the first round of the tournament.
-Tatanka went over with a top rope tomahawk-style chop to the head. Like I said above, extremely stiff compared to the average WWF TV fare of the era. Criner looked ridiculous, but if he always worked that snug, I’d love to see more of him.

They went to a WWF Hall of Fame ceremony package, narrated by Lord Alfred Hayes (who I swore was gone by this point). Hayes kept rolling his r’s like he was Lillian Garcia announcing a Rey Mysterio match. They couldn’t even bother hiding that James Dudley had nothing to do with wrestling, judging by them using a picture of him with (I’m assuming) either friends or family:|

KOKO B. WARE vs OWEN HART
-HIGH ENERGY EXPLODES!
-I assume Koko wasn’t under contract but had a verbal agreement to do the occassional TV job and be on-call to fill in at house shows.
-I was extremely surprised that they repeatedly brought up that Owen and Koko were former partners.
-After Owen bumped his butt off for Koko early on, they told a nice little story where Owen got sick of Koko flying everywhere, so he took out his knee.
-They showed almost a full minute of the match from this camera angle, as Tatanka looked on:

-Owen won with the Sharpshooter. Poor guy wasn’t even allowed a comeback.
They went to the Live Event Center, heavily pushing the Bret Hart versus Owen Hart Ironman match they were touring the country with at this point.

THE HEADSHRINKERS (Samu & Fatu) vs CURTIS HENDERSON & LOU MARCONI
-Yep, “Beef Stew” Lou himself showed his face.
-They split-screened images from the WWF Magazine, including cartoon images drawn by Bret Hart, such as this:

-Harrison kept taking really hard shots to his jaw. Between the Headshrinkers being themselves and Tatanka’s opponent deciding to bring the fury, this is like 2003 Ring Of Honor Superstars with the shots being thrown.
-They briefly cut to Lou Albano at ringside, who semi-racistly was yelling gibberish at the Headshrinkers and passing it off as “their language”.
-The Headshrinkers pinned Marconi after a top rope splash by Fatu.
-Lawler responded to Bret Hart’s cartoon by drawing his portrait of Capt. Lou Flintstone.

We go to the Heartbreak Hotel with Shawn Michaels. His guest this week is Diesel. That’s like your dad inviting your mom to the dinner that she cooked for the family. Diesel claimed that Bret Hart was suffering from acrophobia…since, you know, Diesel’s tall. Kevin Nash’s fake wrestling voice before he figured out how to be the world’s tallest talk show host is hilariously awful.

BAM BAM BIGELOW (w/Luna) vs AN UNNAMED INDIVIDUAL
-They kept moving the camera off of her, but I’m almost positive Luna’s one-piece had a thong bottom, which is INCREDIBLY not family-friendly.
-Razor Ramon came out to watch Bam Bam’s match, as these two were put together in the first round of the King of the Ring. This whole “creeping on your opponents” thing is getting ridiculous.
-Bam Bam won with his crooked moonsault in quick fashion.

After a commercial break, we go to the King of the Ring Report.  Todd Pettengil is actually at a giant tournament bracket board, which is pretty much the coolest thing that the WWF ever did with tournaments (see the Wrestlemania IV title tournament brackets).

We also get yet another Roddy Piper camcorder promo, this time being creepy and shirtless in the forest.

This week’s guest ring announcer might be a kabuki…

RAZOR RAMON vs TRACY CADEL
-I’ve always enjoyed Scott Hall’s lazy-man wristlock suplex and he threw it as lazy as they came in this match.
-Bam Bam Bigelow, to conclude the trend, stares at Razor during this match.
-Lawler asked if Razor had cousins named “Jose” and “Jos-B”.
-Ramon wins quickly with the Razor’s Edge.

MABEL (w/Oscar) vs NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (w/Ted DiBiase)
-Mabel’s a hidden gem, but man alive this looks like a bad match. The good news is that there was under three minutes left on the disc as Volkoff was walking to the ring.
-Volkoff jumped Mabel at the bell and blasted him with a throat thrust. Holy crap, Volkoff seems motivated.
-Mabel tried a jumping shouldertackle. I don’t think Volkoff saw it coming, judging by his awful improvised bump for it.
-Irwin R. Schyster ran out to jump Mabel for the disqualification. Volkoff and IRS attack Mabel’s leg as Tatanka runs out for the save. Owen Hart runs out and eventually everyone in the King of the Ring but the 1-2-3 Kid and Jeff Jarrett are brawling to close the show.

I can’t say any show with the Bam Bam Bigelow moonsault, a jobber trying to beat up Tatanka, Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware having a fun three-minute bout and the Headshrinkers creaming a dude is bad. The second half of the show was kind of slow, but at least the in-ring was fun this week.

-TOM.
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One Comment
  1. My random thoughts:
    – Luna most certainly did wear a thing. They were more liberal with that footage on RAW
    – That board with Pettengil is most certainly awesome and I want one for my house
    – I wonder if more matches with Criner exist
    Next episode begins the famed taping from the Martz Center in scenic Wilkes-Barre, PA. Can you feel the excitement?

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