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My Wife’s First Wrestling DVD: Chikara Anniversario & His Amazing Friends

by on June 15, 2011

By Thomas Green

So, my wife Alex is pretty awesome. She’s beautiful, lovely, funny, intelligent and puts up with me when I’m being a brat. She’s pretty much my favorite person ever.  She’s going to be the mother of my kids and I appreciate her for that so much. However, one thing we really don’t have meshing is the supporting of pro-wres. She’s gone to a few live shows with me (including the horrendous Strictly Hardcore Wrestling event I recapped in Episode #1 of the podcast). She tweets about ridiculous people in the audience, but for the most part, it isn’t her thing.

Lately, we’ve been socializing with friends of ours who were similar to us (he was really, really into wrestling, her notsomuch), but the thing that bonded them in the zany world of grappling was Chikara. It’s a product they both can sit down and watch together. So, I decided that it’d be a fun experiment to have her watch one of Chikara’s newest DVD releases, Anniversario & His Amazing Friends. I figured that the worst that could happen is that she makes me sleep on the couch or something.

Below the cut, I’ve recapped the experience in bulletpoints with various quotes and anecdotes that hopefully properly represent the experience of showing Chikara to someone who’s barely seen any wrestling whatsoever. Enjoy!

(Note: some of her language towards the female members of the Chikara roster is not kind. You’ve been warned.)

-Archibald Peck’s exit music is appreciated.
-Sugar Dunkerton talks like Kenan Thompson.
-The Batiri have horrible tattoos and their punches don’t look like they connect at all. “They both have bad tattoos, but they also had bad outfits, so it goes together.”
-Dasher Hatfield completely creeped her out. “He looks like the big creepy dude made out of muslin from Nightmare Before Christmas!”
-“What is wrong with his forehead?” – Alex upon seeing that Kodama’s facepaint had sweat off.
-“Are they chanting ‘shoot her?'” – Alex reacting to the crowd chanting “Sugar”
-“He looks like he should’ve been in ‘Dude, Where’s My Car'” – Alex seeing Chuck Taylor for the first time
-She said Chuck Taylor would be super-cute if he’d just “cut off those flippy things off his ears”.
-“WHY WOULD YOU CUT OFF ‘Hey Sandy’ WITH THAT CRAP?!?!?” – Alex reacting to Ultramantis Black’s music
-“The silent parts are really creepy” – Alex on the pre-match picture screens
-“People are desperate, aren’t they?” -Alex finding out Chikara once used soccer-playing goat wrestlers.
-“I think Ultramantis should’ve gone with an accent color besides orange. It’s not Halloween.
-“It looks like a little kid colored on our friend Josh” – Her thoughts on Sinn Bodhi
-She asked me if they sometimes switch it up, in terms of who wrestles who, and asked if they wrestle more than once in a while.
-“He’s the Sally Field of apologizers” “You don’t do ANYTHING on purpose? You do everything on accident?!?!” – Alex on Sinn Bodhi’s apology
-“(Leonard Chikarason) doesn’t sound as cute as Mike. He sounds cute, but not as cute as Mike. Mike is QUITE attractive.” My wife loves Mike Falcone.
-She is NOT impressed by Sinn Bodhi’s hammerlock. Also, she just asked me why Eddie Kingston didn’t lose after he was on his stomach for three seconds.
-“(Eddie Kingston) is their hero? Chubs McGhee? He’s not even cute! Definately not as cute as Billy Roc…Billy Roc is cute.”
-“They called him Zamboni? Wait, it’s Sinn Bodhi. I like Zamboni better.” She’s legitimately outraged that he used to be called “Kizarny” due to the bad grammar.
-She shrieked upon seeing Jakob Hammermeier’s picture in the pre-match dealie-a-bob; he frightened her.
-“Someone looks like a skank.” – Alex on Madison Eagles. She’s also not impressed by the punnery of Green Ant’s name.
-Her reaction to the “That was awesome!” chant: “Who’re they cheering for?”
-The five-count rule on tags confused her greatly. She didn’t get why The Colony wouldn’t come in and help Fire Ant when the BDK would work him over in their corner.
-“(Daizee Haze) looks like she’s going to slut school spirit day”. Slut School Spirit Day sounds colorful.
-She was impressed by the Colony’s “Cheerleading Move” (aka the Voltron dive).
-Alex REALLY does not like Madison Eagles. She thinks she should go on Project Runway like the WWE girls.
-The BDK arm pose did NOT get her seal of approval, then explained how in Haiti, kids do sideways thumbs-up to signal that something’s cool (Alex spent a summer in Haiti a few years ago).
-“Quackenbush…Quaaaaackenbush? It makes me think of Darkwing Duck.”
-“They should hire me to be their stylist. I can give them clothes that don’t look like they’ve been run through a lawnmower.” She asked if Gavin Loudspeaker is trying to be a member of Green Day.
-“The lightning bolts on his shirt are not placed in a way to compliment his pants, plus it looks like he’s dressed for a track meet.” -Alex on Mike Quackenbush
-“Is the referee checking them for knives?”
-“That’s not very nice to end up in the audience” – After a dive from Mike Quackenbush
-“I don’t understand how people let other people do this to them.” -Alex on wrestling
-The hold that Hallowicked pinned Mike Quackenbush with has been re-named “Hey! Look at my balls!”, says Alex.
-“This is the most amusing wrestling I’ve watched”
-Even first-time fans understand that Vin Gerard is dirty. She’s chanting “You look icky!” at him.
-She doesn’t think the UnStable is a real team since they don’t have matching tights like 3.0.*****

With that, we finished up the show. She seems okay enough with watching the next night’s show tomorrow, which is nifty. Overall, it was a very giggly experience and I’m very lucky to have someone who loves me enough to sit through things she normally wouldn’t enjoy just because I enjoy them. Well, that and that she doesn’t make me watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager all twenty-four hours out of the day.

-TOM.  

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One Comment
  1. Ian permalink

    Awesome stuff. I once watched a CHIKARA show with my brother (MMA fan) and he spent the entire thing ripping on Mike Quackenbush. His name. His facial expressions. His wearing of a shirt to wrestling. Every 10 minutes I’d hear another insult.

    … and are the referees NOT checking them for knives? If I were a fighter, I’d probably try to sneak a knife in.

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