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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 6/4/94

by on June 6, 2011

We begin with a recap of the Adam Bomb/Kwang saga from last week. No one on WWE TV in 2011 is excited about anything as much as Vince was about this recap video.

MABEL (w/Oscar) vs IRON MIKE SHARPE
-This is how Vince McMahon thought (and might still think) all black people dress like:

-Vince McMahon danced with Mabel AND RAPPED WITH OSCAR. Sadly, all I have to prove this is the following photo:

-No one in the world could ever do a shoulderblock like Mike Sharpe. He runs the ropes HORRIBLY technically, but you can at least tell it’s on purpose to be wacky.
-Mabel won quickly with THIS:

After the match, Jerry Lawler teased that Roddy Piper would be on the King’s Court on Raw this week (it’d end up being the skinny Pat Piper, a teenage Piper impersonator).

The Live Event Center this week was based around two facts: Bret Hart facing Owen Hart around the loop in Ironman matches and this guy being Lex Luger’s flagbearer at Madison Square Garden:

NIKOLAI VOLKOFF (w/Ted DiBiase) vs DEREC DOMINO
-Nikolai made the tuxedo t-shirt classy.

-The spelling of Derec Domino’s name might be the most annoying thing on these DVD’s so far.
-Nikolai Volkoff SUCKED, but he had great attention to detail on his lateral press pin attempts, gaining immediate wrist control on each one.
-Nikolai wins with a hurty-looking Boston Crab.

KWANG vs ADAM BOMB
-I could see why Kwang would be so upset. He had really lame entrance music. It was so quiet that you couldn’t hear it over a silent crowd.
-Harvey Wippleman, who managed both men, didn’t come out with either man.
-I can see what wrestling promotions saw in Bryan Clark (Bomb). He was a big dude with long hair who wasn’t exactly a boring babyface. The dude had a lot of fire for someone who mostly sucked at a lot of other aspects of the game.
-These two are kind of beating the daylights out of each other. It’s not the stiffest match ever, but shockingly hard-hitting for mid-90’s WWF.
-Harvey Wippleman ran to ringside and pulled Kwang to the locker room (not by force, obviously) for the countout loss.

TATANKA vs RENO RIGGINS

-Riggins is AWESOME. Killer bumps, sells well and even busted out a Flair Flop.
-There’s a lumberjack match on Raw this week, which causes Vince to bust out the old story about why lumberjack matches exist (back in the day, when two lumberjacks at a lumberjack camp got in a grudge, they’d fight with the rest of the lumberjacks enclosing them like a human cage). Fake stories like that make me re-love wrestling.
-Tatanka wins with the Samoan Drop.

We go to the King of the Ring Report, including Todd Pettengill’s AWFUL King of the Ring shirt.

We got a Crush/Yokozuna promo with Jim Cornette this week. The background is more 1994 than Bill Clinton fat jokes.

We also get another insane, rambling Roddy Piper promo on his camcorder, this time from his home (which doesn’t look too ridiculous). The most outlandish thing he did was tying Jerry Lawler bashing sick kids into the song “Chopsticks”, but there was also talk of midgets and Joe Frazier.

Today’s guest ring announcer: Ken “The Smooth One” Bevan (he was seriously announced with that nickname:

OWEN HART vs PHIL APOLLO
-With the way they’re talking about King of the Ring on commentary, how did ANYONE not see Owen winning the tournament from a mile away? They might as well put a title on the screen saying “Owen’s going over at the pay-per-view”.
-Owen went through his opening chain wrestling so slowly that I honestly believe he was subtly making fun of how bad he thought Phil Apollo was or something.
-Owen Hart threw some AWFUL chops.
-Owen hit a top rope dropkick, then finished the match with the Sharpshooter.
-After the match, Owen put a pair of Bret’s signature sunlasses on Apollo, then snapped the stretchy band that goes around the head. I’m glad they targeted four-year-olds back then since I couldn’t see anyone else in the world finding that intimidating in the least bit.

We get a replay of Diesel, Shawn Michaels and Jerry Lawler jumping Bret Hart on the King’s Court on Raw. Why would you go on one of your worst enemies’ talk show? Even Sting would say that’s dumb.

We get short promos from both Diesel and Bret Hart. It’s really fun to see Kevin Nash develop week-by-week from a completely dull, bland giant to the silly one-liner king he became during his title run. Bret teased that he’d have a family member at ringside to prevent Shawn Michaels from interferring at King of the Ring.

THE QUEBECERS (Jacques & Pierre, w/Johnny Polo) vs TIM NcNEALY & TONY ROY
-The Quebecers are in total butt-kicker mode. They aren’t even bothering to do the cutesy moves where Pierre lands on people hard.
-Pierre gets the win in ridiculously quick order with a guillotine legdrop off of the top rope. I really wish I had more to say about this match, but it was over in no time.

We close the show with a Ted DiBiase promo where he claims he’ll have the Undertaker next week.

This was pretty much the most nothing show in the history of nothing shows, but at least we got a Pierre top rope legdrop and Adam Bomb & Kwang killing each other.

-TOM.
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