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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 5/14/94

by on May 16, 2011

This week opens up with no intro; just Bret Hart coming out for a promo “on the Wrestlemania Revenge Tour” (which, like last week, is code for “at a TV taping that we didn’t think we’d need to use yet. Vince McMahon interviews Bret about his house show series of matches with his brother Owen in some sexy mood lighting.

Bret talks about how Owen was “born bad but wants to be good”, whereas he “was born good with a desire to be bad”, then accepts Diesel’s challenge from Raw last week for King of the Ring and busts out all of the usual cliches when little men cut promos on big men.

KWANG (w/Harvey Wippleman) vs TONY OUTTER
-I enjoyed them using the “giant camera angle” for the sub-six foot-ish Kwang.
-If Spike Dudley was born ten years earlier, he’d be Tony Outter.
-Outter is either completely untrained or absolutely green. The guy has NO idea where he is in the ring, judging by how he keeps accidentally taking bumps and falling backwards into the ropes.
-Kwang won by blocking a leapfrog with a spinning wheel kick. How?

If you couldn’t tell this was shot in 1994, check out Lawler’s Caesar cut…

Every single clip in this week’s Live Event Center seems to have something to do with disrobing (pulling straps down on singlets, taking off ring jackets, etc.)

King of the Ring Qualifier: PIERRE vs MABEL
-The gimmick for the match is that both Johnny Polo and Oscar are banned from ringside, so Oscar raps inside of the big screen.

-Pierre just busted out a Dynamite Kid-style top rope dropkick. Dude’s awesome.
-Mabel just ATE CANVAS on a missed splash off of the second rope. He took it with his face instead of his knees.
-This isn’t so much of a match as it is dudes with guts doing random top rope dives. The only non-top rope spot they seemed to run was the finish (Mabel’s version of the Bossman Slam). Pierre did noticably try to stay away from Mabel’s head when he busted out his usually-brutal looking top rope legdrop.
Todd Pettengill is in the King of the Ring Report Center Place Where They Talk About Pay-Per-View Matches. He’s still wearing that hideous jacket from last week. Since we all love brackets, here’s the King of the Ring bracket as of this point:

Bam Bam Bigelow is facing “race car enthusiast” Sparky Plugg on Raw the Monday after this show (which explains the Plugg gimmick so much more now). Next week on Superstars, Lex Luger’s facing Jeff Jarrett in a qualifier, which means we’re not getting a clean finish. We get a new, creepy Roddy Piper video.

He called himself a “Torontosaurus Rex” when responding to Lawler calling him a “dinosaur” and asked if Lawler would like to be stepped on by a dinosaur. I’m guessing not. That would be painful.

This week’s guest ring announcer:

-I’m so glad that the ring announcer got to call a good guy squash match.
-Major Yates looks like no military member I’ve ever seen.

-Doink tried to get the guest ring announcer to dance with him. It was a failed effort.
-Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are trying to explain the hiearchy of the clown profession instead of calling the match. Far more interesting.
-Doink wins with the Whoopie Cushion (top rope butt drop), which once again gets the fart sound effect. He landed RIGHT on poor Yates’ groin.
We go to the parking garage, where Nikolai Volkoff is chauferring Ted DiBiase.

-This was the Saturday before the famous Earthquake/Yokozuna sumo match from Raw.
-A.C. “Corner” was A.C. Connor, who ended up being D’Lo Brown.

-This was probably around the time he was working backyard shows with Reckless Youth in Mike Sharpe’s ring, as the dude couldn’t even run the ropes.
-I enjoyed the picture-in-picture promo from “Yokozuna”, as it was just a shot of Yokozuna’s grunting face as Jim Cornette cut the promo off-camera.
-Quake goes over with the butt splash. How could he have EVER been a heel? John Tenta just looked like the happiest, jolliest man.
-Most awesome thing EVER: Earthquake started jumping near the big screen and the video BEGAN TO SHAKE.

We go to video of a random pool guy, who claims he saw the Undertaker.

-Volkoff’s slapping hands with fans as he walks down the aisle way behind DiBiase.
– The Volkoff story, according to Vince McMahon, is that Volkoff invested in some real estate with his money from his career and he got “swindled”, so he had to start wrestling again.
-Jerry Lawler called out any child to face him in a sumo suit match outside the house show buildings this weekend.
-Volkoff goes over with a HORRIBLE clothesline to the back of the head. It didn’t even come within the same zip code as Gill.
-“Nickel & Dime” Volkoff (tm Jerry Lawler) was forced to attack Gill after the match by DiBiase.

We go to another Duke “The Dumpster” Drose promo. It was a garbageman version of the old Mr. Perfect promos, where he said he could toss a trash can off the roof of the building, onto his payloader and into the dumpster across the parking lot, then did so. It absolutely made me want to see him wrestle, wink-wink.

-Gus’ hideous singlet this week:

-Throughout the years, pro wrestlers have worn singlets with that back strap on them. What the heck is that thing supposed to be holding in?
-Gus hit an awful DDT and referee Danny Davis started counting Tatanka’s shoulders down before Gus even climbed on top of him.
-Tatanka won the match with his Samoan Drop. Why the heck was a guy doing a Native American gimmick performing the SAMOAN drop as his finisher?
We close the show with Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler watching the show. See?

They hype up the show coming up next week before Jeff Jarrett comes out to cut a promo for his match next week with Lex Luger.
Incredibly unspectacular episode of the show. Other than what might’ve been D’Lo Brown’s national television debut and the fattie high-flying battle between Mabel and Pierre, this one was kind of hard to get through.

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