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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 5/3/94

by on May 13, 2011

THIS WEEK! KING OF THE RING QUALIFIER! IRS FACES SCOTT STEINER! BET THAT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME SCOTT’S FOUGHT AN AUDITER! TL;DR!

King of the Ring Qualifier: SCOTT STEINER vs IRWIN R. SCHYSTER
-Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler are once again in the building for the show open.
-The Steiner Brothers’ WWF entrance song really was kind of incredible.
-IRS came down the ramp, doing a ripoff of David Letterman’s Top Ten, entitled “Top Three Tax Cheats of the Week”. Vince McMahon was on the list, naturally.

-An infant in the crowd was number two and Tatanka was number one.
-It’s SO weird that they found a way for children and teenagers to hate a tax auditer.
-Steiner was very much generic mid-sized babyface with the dropkicks and leapfrogs, which is a contrast from the suplex machine that most people were used to thinking back on his career.
-They kept going to a random shot of the back of Lawler and McMahon’s heads, like they took offense to the fact that people knew they didn’t do the commentary live, so they felt the need to prove them as liars or something.

-IRS won the match after the ref caught him grabbing the ropes, so he grabbed another roll-up and put his feet up instead.
-Rick Steiner ran down to tell the referee about the cheatery, so IRS tried to run away. Tatanka comes out, looking as crazy and intense as any man in wrestling history, being held back by a crew of referees. IRS gets stuck between Tatanka and the Steiners in the aisle, so he runs through the crowd. Solid little angle.

KING OF THE RING REPORT!
-Pettengil’s two for two on fashion faux pas. Look at the jacket, people…

-Pettengil announces the Piper/Lawler match for King of the Ring. We go to a Roddy Piper promo that he shot on the same camcorder I’m assuming he cut his nutty pitch to WCW in 1999 on.

-Piper: “There’s no such things as kings. We all eat, we all breathe, we all poop.”
-They keep editing in weird cuts throughout the video, so I’m assuming Piper sent in a twenty-minute promo and Kevin Dunn assigned his junior employees the task of editing this thing.

This week’s guest ring announcer:

-Lawler: “She looks white, but she’s really Oriental. She’s from the CHIN Family! Look at all of those chins!”

1-2-3 KID vs JASON STORM
-Jason obviously trained his cousins Lance and Devon.

-Kid gave the lady a rose before the match. Between that, Colt Cabana getting Kid’s singlet and Chyna getting Kid’s…um…yeah, Kid’s a giving gentleman.
-JEEEEEZ. Storm tried rolling over instead of getting up and changing position on two consecutive dropdowns, so Kid sat on the back of his head with his snapping legdrop. It looked DISGUSTING.
-The Kid wrestling smaller enhancement guys was always fun since he’d randomly decide to tie them up in all sorts of weird holds.
-Kid wins with a spinkick.

We go to Ted DiBiase “on the Wrestlemania Revenge Tour”, also known as a TV taping that wasn’t the one they were showing on Superstars. DiBiase announced that he bought Nikolai Volkoff since Volkoff was poor and blew all of his money during his heyday. DiBiase tries tempting Nikolai to hit him, but Volkoff won’t bite.

We go to clips of Owen Hart against Mo from Wrestling Challenge, where Mo blew out his knee taking a bump outside of the ring, then Owen stomped the bum knee and put the Sharpshooter on him. Mabel really was a crappy friend for not making the save.

OWEN HART vs AN UNNAMED CAUCASIAN
-Owen’s entrance video was footage of a spaceship launch. It COULD be a rocket launch, but it’s funnier to think of it the other way.

-There’s RIDICULOUSLY dubbed-in “We Want Bret” chants. It sounded like they got three of Stephanie’s classmates in a studio, got them to chant it, then layered their voices over themselves a thousand times.
-Owen wins quickly with a Sharpshooter. Owen had very positive-feeling entrance music for a guy who was such an assumed jerk.

-Owen: “HEY BRET! DID YOU WISH MOM A HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY?!?! HA-HA-HA-HAHA!”. That…was a joke?

We go to the Live Event Center video montage that they’ve been playing over the past few weeks, switching the Luger/Perfect match out for Luger/Crush.

They show clips of the Headshrinkers beating the Quebecers for the WWF Tag Team Titles in an AWESOME match that’s on the Raw Best of Seasons One & Two DVD. There were people waving AMERICAN FLAGS in the crowd when the Headshrinkers from Samoa won the tag belts.

They announce Mabel versus Pierre for next week. The picture of Pierre absolutely looks like that AWFUL fake Mankind picture on the Beyond the Mat poster when the WWF wouldn’t let them use any of their images after they perceived the movie to be negative.

LEX LUGER vs BARRY HARDY

-Vince McMahon, when putting Lex Luger over, claimed he was a “tremendous scholar”. I’m sure fans went NUTS when they found out Lex Luger was really good at studying for algebra tests.
-For being a skinnier guy who the WWF always used for enhancement work, Hardy really wasn’t fantastic at bumping. There was one hiptoss in particular that he went up like he was El Gigante.
-HILARIOUS spot where Hardy sent Luger into the ropes, screamed “YEAAAAAAH!”, then Luger came out of the corner and FOREARMED HIM OUT OF HIS BOOTS, screaming “YEAAAAAH!” while doing it.
-Luger wins with the Rebel Rack. Why would an upstanding citizen and great American role model name his finisher after rebellion?

They go to footage from Raw, where Diesel challenged Bret Hart for a WWF Title match at King of the Ring. I think this might’ve been the first promo Diesel did without Shawn Michaels.

Then, they go to a recap of the angle last week where Jeff Jarrett dressed as Doink and poured all sorts of lovely stuff on Dink.

JEFF JARRETT vs DEREK DOMINO
-Jarrett has fur on the back of his boots. If he would stop moving, I could get a decent screencap of it.
-Well, Jarrett just won with the Figure Four Leglock. Oh well; just imagine white unicorn fur on the back of black wrestling boots.
We close the show with an Undertaker sighting at a PRESCHOOL. It’s like “Kids Say the Darndest Things”: Undertaker Edition. “I saw him playing on the monkey bars…” “Oh yeah? I saw him go down the slide!” It was quite adorable.

-TOM.
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