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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 4/30/94

by on May 10, 2011

THIS WEEK! DIESEL FACES RAZOR RAAAAAAAMON (tm Vince McMahon) FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE AND RAZOR’S READY FOR THE TITLE DEFENSE! (Note: Vince doing voiceovers over promos just sounds annoying with all of the voices.) They also showed an angle from Raw that prior Monday where Diesel jumped Razor Ramon and gave him multiple jackknife powerbombs.
You know, wrestling fans really take for granted how absurd Jerry Lawler really looks when he wears his tights while doing commentary.

They also hype a Mabel singles match, a Dink promo, Heavenly Bodies tag match and Sparky Plugg in action. Was Mo injured or something?

MABEL (w/Oscar) vs JIM MESSENGER
-Vince McMahon announced that Mr. Perfect had been “suspended indefinitely) for backing out of the deal”, as it was worded. I guess Perfect pulled out of the house show matches with Luger and quit the WWF.
-With the lack of spacing, this sign looks like a fan is excited to have a disease where you wear baseball jerseys backwards and have tiny little braids in your hair.

-Lawler: “I ordered pigs in a blanket this morning and they gave me a picture of Mo and Mabel in bed.”
-Mabel attempted the most brutal-looking judo takedown EVER out of a waistlock. He landed RIGHT on poor Messenger’s arm.
-I know more and more people are finding out about it, but Mabel was REALLY mobile for being so gigantic. He keeps doing random amateur holds and busted out a sliding drop toe hold.
-Mabel wins with a DDT. This was a super-weird match in that you had a 500-pound giant in mid-90’s WWF working a squash like a normal-sized guy with all sorts of holds, running around, bumping, and so on. Either way, it made Oscar happy.

They play the Live Event Center video package, in which they switched the Steiners/Quebecers match to Headshrinkers and Afa against the Quebecers and Johnny Polo. Lex Luger was also removed from the card due to Mr. Perfect, obviously.

WWF Intercontinental Title: DIESEL (w/Shawn Michaels) vs RAZOR RAMON (c)
-Shawn Michaels legitimately had the worst fashion sense of any wrestler ever. I really think he did.

-Razor ran down the aisle Warrior-style and went nuts at the beginning of the match.
-Answer: Scott Hall and Sal Rinauro. Question: “Who are the best back-body-drop takers in wrestling history, according to Tom?”.
-Vince McMahon was fantastic at making pro wrestling sound like rough love-making affairs. “During the break, Diesel was REALLY POUNDING! HE MADE RAZOR FEEL THE GRIND! HE MADE IT ROUGH FOR THE BAD GUY!”
-They’ve done nothing in this match (lots of lazy chinlocks and neck cranks), but darned if they don’t have the fans going nuts for the nearfalls.
-Diesel just took a bulldog like Rob Van Dam takes DDT’s.
-Shawn Michaels took two INCREDIBLE bumps in under a minute trying to run interference for Diesel. Both times, he had climbed to the second rope and flew off like he was trying to give kids in the second row dives.
-Diesel pinned Razor with the Jackknife Powerbomb to win the Intercontinental Title. You know that clip of Shawn jumping into Diesel’s arms that they always use during Shawn Michaels video packages? It was from this match.

They try playing up that Shawn pulled the turnbuckle pad off when he took the second big bump, but it had very little to do with the finish. Jerry Lawler also gave us this lovely drawing of “Razor Roadkill”.

THURMAN “Sparky” PLUGG vs TONY DeVITO
-Yep, same guy as the one from Da Baldies in ECW.
-DeVito ran the ropes like he was trying not to step on certain parts of the ring, hoping he wouldn’t trigger it to blow up.
-Usually, WWF-style squash matches are very much based around your 3-5 signature moves that you do really well. Plugg’s just doing lots of elbows and clothelines.
-Plugg wins after a top rope kneedrop, which is something someone should absolutely bring back as a finisher.

KING OF THE RING UPDATE!
-True story: when I was 8, I got really bored one day and recorded the song from the King of the Ring report on a loop on my Talkboy (the deal from Home Alone 2) off of a taped episode of WWF Superstars, then made a cardboard crown, wrapped myself in a blanket cape-style, and walked around the house, claiming to be “The King of Hoosiers”. I was something.
-King of the Ring qualifying matches begin next week on Superstars, including Scott Steiner (who must’ve been let go RIGHT after the tapings) versus IRS.
-Also, I think you can call whatever Pettengil is wearing “referee chic”.

We go to a Duke Drose promo. Lots of trash terminology/WWF bad guy comparisons.

THE HEAVENLY BODIES (Jimmy Del Ray & Dr. Tom Pritchard, w/Jim Cornette) vs MIKE KHOURY & PJ WALKER
-Jimmy Del Ray really is the best person to ever live.

-Tom Pritchard introduced Jim Cornette (ala Stan Lane during the Midnight Express run) and he blatantly went out of his way to cut every piece of Roddy Piper’s inflection out of his voice possible.
-The Bodies are doing LOTS of scraping of Khoury’s face with various parts of the ring.
-Walker comes into the ring and tries a springboard moonsault. I’m sure RSPW lost their stuff.
-The Bodies win with an elbow drop version of the Rougeaus’ La Bombe de Rougeau (flying crotch to the face while opponent’s held in a bearhug position).

Jerry Lawler’s up on the old interview stage, making all sorts of height jokes as he introduces Dink (Doink’s supposedly on vacation, according to the commentary). Dink comes out wearing his little baseball attire.

Lawler busts out the jokes that would later fuel his feud with Tazz (“I bet you could play handball with the curb!”). Doink comes out with a giant gift box, which has two pies in it. He teases smashing them in Lawler’s face…then knocks down Dink with them. He then sprays Dink with all sorts of silly string before burying him in whipped cream, including putting some RIGHT in Dink’s eye. Dink ended up taking a bump off of the platform for added dramatic effect before Doink was revealed to be either Jeff Jarrett or Gunnar Nelson.

Mike Colb ring announces the next bout. Who’s Mike Colb? Apparently he’s an alcoholic.

BAM BAM BIGELOW (w/Luna Vachon) vs JASON HEADINGS
-The opening minute of the match was Headings bouncing all around the place and Bigelow just stood there.
-Headings ATE Bigelow’s elbow coming off of the ropes. It looked disgustingly brutal.
-Bigelow won quickly after blocking a sunset flip attempt by sitting on Headings.
-You’ve got to feel bad for the guest ring announcers. They NEVER get to call babyface victories.

They close the show by showing Shawn Michaels and Diesel leaving the building. They’re going to go party…in their ring gear?

Wait…they now say they’re closing the show with an “Undertaker sighting”.  But first, we get a WWF house show commercial, filled with random clips of a Madison Square Garden house show shot on an awful camcorder.

They go to a guy in a orange jacket (you’d think he was a crossing guard, except he just kept waving cars by). He claims the Undertaker showed up in a random funeral party or something.

They hype Ted DiBiase in the Heartbreak Hotel, plus Owen Hart, Jeff Jarrett, 1-2-3 Kid and Lex Luger squashes and Scott Steiner versus Irwin R. Schyster in a King of the Ring qualifer.

It was an alright episode. The Dink angle will pull at your heart strings if you try to think of Dink as an infant. Unfortunately, nothing nearly as fun to watch as the great Quebecers squash from the previous week, but the cheese factor was turned up to eleven with the Undertaker sighting.

-TOM. 
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