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’94 WWF BLOGJECT: 4/23/94

by on May 4, 2011

We start with clips from two weeks ago, where Dink taunted Jeff Jarrett into running into the bucket of water from Doink. The WWF has always been good at hitting home the points they want you to remember, and watching them re-run this angle at the beginning of their television show after watching Saturday Night and seeing barely any replays really drives that home.

They play the show open, which included a lot of clips of guys getting ready for their matches. Lex Luger’s pre-match preparation? Trying to look sexy, apparently.

Jerry Lawler and Vince McMahon are back in the actual building where they ran the show this week. Vince tried to open the show, but Lawler had unplugged Vince’s microphone so he couldn’t talk.

DOINK (w/Dink) vs BERT CENTENO
-Doink comes out with a bucket and he throws his confetti on Lawler. A 200-pound little person would get a Survivor Series payoff out of that moment.
-Bert Centeno looked like Don Montoya without any of the redeeming qualities.

-The WWF’s seamstress must’ve loved Doink since he constantly had new gear and whenever Doink got new gear, so did Dink.
-Whoever this Doink was, he couldn’t take a buckle. He was given two Irish whips into corners and both times, he turned around too soon and almost tripped over his own feet to fall head-first into the top turnbuckle.
-Doink won with the Whoopie Cushion (top rope Bombs Away/butt drop). They played a fart sound effect when Doink landed. I wish I was joking.
The Heartbreak Hotel with Shawn Michaels
-Kevin Nash somehow has better hair in his 50’s than he did in 1994.

-Mr. Perfect is the guest on this episode.  I guess the premise behind the Perfect/Lex Luger post-Wrestlemania 10 feud was that Mr. Perfect was mad over Luger knocking him out at Wrestlemania 9 (which Perfect denied). I guess people were supposed to boo Mr. Perfect for lying or something.

THE SMOKING GUNNS (Billy & Bart) vs “STEEL” & THE GUY IN THIS PICTURE

-The fans keep “WHOO”‘ing at “Steel”, who has blonde hair and kneepads over his shins.
-Vince McMahon takes the time to praise Piper’s Pit, which was supposed to begin the Lawler/Piper feud for King of the Ring.
-The Gunns win quickly with the Sidewinder (over-the shoulder powerbob by Bart as Billy comes off of the top rope with an elbow drop).

We go to the WWF Live Event Center, in which they blatantly included clips of Roddy Piper (who wasn’t planned to be on the shows advertised). Coincidently, the only match that they promoted with actual match footage was the Howard Finkel/Harvey Wippleman tuxedo match.

They replayed the IRS/Tatanka angle from last week, where IRS laid out Chief Jay Strongbow and then ripped up Tatanka’s headdress.

IRWIN R. SCHYSTER vs BERT STYLES
-IRS shares my sentiments while walking to the ring: Nikolai Volkoff needs a new suit.

-Bert Styles absolutely looks like he would be AJ’s creepy uncle.

-Vince McMahon is ranting on commentary about the United States Government trying to tear down the WWF, only he’s using Tatanka when he refers to himself, IRS when he refers to the Feds, and the headdress as the WWF. He is really, really, really passionate.
-They do a picture-in-picture promo with Chief Jay Strongbow, who slowly turns and says “War.”, then they cut away.
-It’s so weird to see a guy in slacks and suspenders performing decent-looking amateur wrestling holds.
-IRS wins with the Penalty/STF.

We go to another Duke Drose promo. He didn’t really cut a promo; he just talked about his job. I love how he wore a spandex back supporter as part of his ring gear.

ADAM BOMB (w/Harvey Wippleman) vs RAZOR RAMON
-Ever notice how Vince McMahon was REALLY into saying “OOOOOOZING MACHISMO!” when Razor Ramon would come out? Like, to a weird degree?
-Razor Ramon might be the only big man to make a career for working way smaller than he really was. He’s the same size as Bomb,  but they’re working this like a big man/little man match.
-Razor wins a shorter-than-expected match with the Razor’s Edge. I’m guessing Bomb was turning at this point and was expected to do his jobs on the way over.
Jerry Lawler confronted Ramon on his way to the locker room for an impromptu interview. Only in the WWF could a guy in a king Halloween costume talk to a 6’7 Scarface impersonator with a mullet…

Lawler asks Ramon why he’s afraid to put the belt on the line against Diesel, despite them advertising Diesel/Ramon title matches on the house show plugs for weeks. Ramon calls Diesel out for title matches.

Is that Blackjack Marciano’s eerily-young father?

THE QUEBECERS (Jacques & Pierre) vs SCOTT TAYLOR & BEN JORDAN
-Jordan might be the creepiest-looking wrestler of all-time. He looks ready to fetish-wrestle.

-That is a very young Scotty 2 Hotty beside him, who was announced by the fan as “Scott Tyler”.
-Pierre CRUSHED Taylor with a senton that he was able to perform after Jacques backdropped him, which they followed up with a sky-high double stun gun.
-I love how 90% of the Quebecers’ offense is Jacques throwing his chubby friend onto their enemies.
-Jacques keeps screaming “WHOOP THERE IT IS!” to mock Men on a Mission (even though they’re feuding with the Headshrinkers.
-HOLY CRAP.

-THAT WAS HIS HEAD. Suffice to say, the Quebecers won with that.
-I kind of feel bad for the guest ring announcer guy, having to announce bad guys as the winners.
They aired a commercial for WWF Greetings on Call (recorded messages from WWF wrestlers to your friends for $9.95). Judging by this picture, it kind of looks like those dirty chat lines, but for kids:

OWEN HART vs ITALIAN STALLION
-They called Stallion by his real name, but I REFUSE. Refuse, darnit!
-Judging by the fact that the Stallion is showing up on these shows, the Hardys must not be far behind.
-Bizarre set-up for the enziguri, where Stallion was running at Owen, then Owen stuck his foot out, so Stallion just stopped and grabbed it.
-Owen made the Stallion submit with the Sharpshooter. Owen barely did anything in this match and I bet RSPW was FURIOUS.

Diesel came out for a random “interview” with Jerry Lawler. By “interview”, I mean Lawler told Diesel, “Tell ’em what you think!”. Diesel accepted Razor Ramon’s challenge for a title match next week.

Overall, maybe the weakest episode of the show I’ve seen so far. But, that Quebecers squash was easily the most fun I’ve had watching anything in the three episodes I’ve seen, so that’s something.

-TOM.
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