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1994 WWF BLOGJECT: 4/9/1994 (New Feature)

by on April 29, 2011

Thanks to a generous reader sending me a wedding gift yesterday, I have made the executive decision that the WCW ’94 BLOGJECT now has a sister column on the website: the 1994 WWF BLOGJECT.

A reader who asked to remain anonymous e-mailed me for my address last week, knowing about my impending wedding. I didn’t take it too seriously, like I  was going to get anything cool, so I sent it expecting chocolate or popcorn. Instead, I got the ENTIRE 1994 season set of WWF SUPERSTARS! I went nuts in a good way. Thus, I’ve decided to put this gift to good use and bring you the ’94 WWF BLOGJECT, much in the same vein I’m doing the ’94 WCW one, with pictures, thoughts, and so on.

I’ll be starting at 4/9/94, which is where I’m at with the WCW Blogject. I want to keep these congruent so that I’m in the mindset of someone who saw this stuff happen back-to-back back in the day. On slow weeks, I’ll probably go back and do the weeks I’m missing by jumping in here, but I just figure it’d take too much time to catch up. As for the schedule: next week due to my wedding, I’ll probably only post one of these and one of the WCW blog since I’ll be swamped with work and claiming a wife next week.
Without any further ado…let’s crack open the vault! (underneath the cut, of course)

******************

THIS WEEK! SHAWN MICHAELS HOSTS THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL…and that’s it, I guess.

(Side-note: I’d love to have the raw footage from the house show they filmed the opening for this show at. It seems like they’d have to film the whole matches to get so much different footage.)

Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler open the show actually in the building, not in front of a green screen. So weird.  Lawler opens the show by IMMEDIATELY getting across the new main storyline in the WWF (Bret won the belt at Wrestlemania 10, but he owes Owen a shot for beating him in the opener). They’re up by the entrance and the first wrestler that walks out (Koko B. Ware) makes his entrance while they’re still out there.

KOKO B. WARE vs IRWIN R. SCHYSTER
-It’s so weird to see Koko B. Ware in 1994 WWF wearing the High Energy gear but dancing to the Birdman song.
-King: “Everyone should pay their taxes with a smile…unfortunately, one year I tried that and they asked for cash.” We’re two minutes into the episode and King’s already far wittier than he is in 2011.
-Koko tried busting out a primitive version of Jeff Hardy’s Whisper in the Wind, but missed.
-It never hit me until seeing a man dressed like a tax auditer holding a chinlock on a guy in MC Hammer pants, how ridiculous this must’ve looked in 1994. This is so much brighter and edited much more tightly; in many ways the model for this show is a kids’ game show.
-Koko’s busting rear end, running around and bumping all over the place.
-IRS finishes Koko with the Penalty (STF), which Vince tried calling the Write-Off (but didn’t edit out).

WWF LIVE EVENT NEWS!
-Stan Lane really was the perfect WWF hype guy for the few months he did it. A good-looking guy with a great voice who understood wrestling.
-This is so different from even how they were doing live event stuff a year prior, where you never see Stan Lane, but they play rapid-fire clips of guys in the matches at the upcoming live shows with short soundbytes from some of the participants, all over a music bed.
-I’m surprised they went back to Madison Square Garden a month after Wrestlemania. They also exposed doing the same card everywhere by hyping one show with two dates (one in the Nassau Coliseum and the next day at the Garden).

They show clips of the prior week’s main event, where Earl Hebner was exposed as the worst referee ever, counting not one, but TWO pins with wrestlers’ feet under the ropes, which led to the following:

“Double J” JEFF JARRETT vs THURMAN “Sparky” PLUGG
 -Bob Holly’s old video was just him driving really fast. No acknoledgement it was for a wrestler or even a human being:

-People always point out how bad the “spark plug” pun was, but I’m more offended by a grown man making his living in a combat sport with the same nickname as Tahj Mowry’s dog from Full House.
-I never knew how the heck Jeff Jarrett got those straps down on his costume until now: he had a VELCRO collar.
-Vince is absolutely in “Us vs Them” mode, as Vince cuts this hardcore promo about how Jeff Jarrett is evil since he wants to “abuse the WWF so he can become a star in Nashville”.
-Bob Holly must be the master of the triumphant comeback since he’s literally doing jack crud, yet it’s SO fiery and the crowd’s loving it.
-Jeff Jarrett wins the match with his feet on the ropes during a roll-up.
-Dink runs in the ring and informs the referee about what happened with the feet on the ropes, including a demonstration:

-Jarrett lays out Holly after the match, then chases Dink to the entrance…where Doink poured a bucket of water on his head:

Todd Pettengil narrates a cheesy movie trailer to hype the Kwang/Tatanka rematch for next week. “Kwang Tatanka” is fun to say aloud.

They just spend fifteen seconds promoting a Quebecers title defense fan vote on Raw to determine who gets the title shot on Raw and they got the point across better than everything but the Flair/Hogan deal on the WCW show counter-this.

THE HEADSHRINKERS (Samu & Fatu) vs PHIL APOLLO & EMILIO ULCIA

-LOOK AT EMILIO ULCIA. It makes me happy that, at some point, a man looking like that could make his living at combat sports.
-Nikolai Volkoff is at ringside and Jerry Lawler buries him for only having one suit:

-The Headshrinkers bust out a primitive version of that wacky Soul Touchaz handshake prior to the match.
-Emilio takes a BRUTAL backdrop before being given a RIDICULOUS Doomsday Device for the victory by the Samoans. Like, I cannot believe the man isn’t really dead.

The show was sponsored by ICOPRO. Isn’t that like bringing your sister to the prom?

HEARTBREAK HOTEL WITH SHAWN MICHAELS
– Shawn uses the opening of the show to quickly get across the new Diesel/Razor Ramon feud before bringing out Bret Hart as his guest.
-The entire segment is based around Bret offering anyone in the WWF a shot at the World Title, including Owen (who Shawn tries to egg Bret into saying mean things about).
-It’s so weird to see those two trash-talking each other without no one getting into blows.

This guest ring announcer dude has the single thickest New York accent EVER.

1-2-3 KID vs CHRIS HAMRICK
-Yep, it’s THAT match.
-King: “I call the Kid ‘Napoleon’. Why? He has so many bony parts!”
-If you’ve never seen the ridiculous Hamrick bump from this match:

-Kid even busts out a T-Bone suplex and finishes the match with a Stretch Muffler. SO weird, yet so awesome.

We go to an IRS PSA about why you should pay your taxes. IRS recites such witty lines as, “You think April 15th is April FOOL’S DAY!”. It was lovely.

YOKOZUNA (w/Mr. Fuji & Jim Cornette) vs TERRY STUBBS
-The opponent didn’t need a name with this haircut:

-They’re promoting the WWF “Greetings on Call”, where you called into a phone number and they left a pre-recorded message on your friend’s phone. OH MY GOODNESS THEY’RE PLAYING ONE. THE UNDERTAKER IS SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY. This is EPIC. I enjoy Vince McMahon being APPALLED that Lawler left one of these for Helen Hart using the Undertaker’s message.
-They literally didn’t do commentary for this entire match, which wasn’t too bad since the only spectacular spot was a sweet Saito suplex by ‘Zuna.

They played the WWF Live Event Center with Stan Lane again with different clips, but the same message.

They close the show by replaying the finish of Tatanka/Kwang from two weeks prior, where IRS came out to repossess Tatanka’s headdress, leading to a brawl between the two.

Overall, the in-ring product cannot touch WCW’s at this point (though the Kid/Hamrick match was NUTS), but it’s a much tighter, to the point show that does more with less than WCW can with its roster. I look forward to doing these back and forth in the future.

-TOM.
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