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by on April 20, 2011

Welcome to this week’s LIVEBLOG, as I watch a DVD and review it AS I WATCH IT. Innovation, eh? Welcome to the internet.
This week, we’re going to take a look at Juggalo Championship Wrestling’s Bloodymania 4 event, which you can get from our pals at I know, it’s run by the ICP, Juggalos, all that jazz. Most people would just be like, “ARRGGHH! These evil clowns are ruining the world! EFF THIS!”. However, I recognize (as we all should) that the Insane Clown Posse members aren’t evil people; they’re fantastic businessmen who (under the Meltzarian line of “everything is pro wrestling” thinking) are some of the best workers out there. They’ve worked literally millions of people worldwide into following this whole Juggalo craze. I cannot fault ANYONE who has found a way to make millions of dollars without hurting anyone.
I got to see some recent JCW and I kind of loved it because they found a way for independent pro wrestlers with talent to make some decent money and they do really goofy, eccentric things with the guys. Plus, on their bigger shows like Bloodymania, it really does seem like they get a list of random dudes, smoke a bowl, then mix and match dudes into this cornucopia of delicious pro wrestling. If you go in with an open mind, this stuff can be really fun to watch (especially now that they seem to have a “wrestling guy” doing commentary who researches stuff and cares about doing commentary the right way). Also, they’ve gotten people to stop throwing things in the ring, which has been a HUGE problem in years’ past. Guys now get to actually work on these shows instead of dodging large flying objects.
Like always, if you have the DVD or even went to the Gathering this past year and got to see this monstrocity of pro-wres love live, PLEASE either comment on this blog or tweet me (@tomisnotgreat) with your thoughts. If you use the Twitter, you’d be a doll if you hashtagged it #SupportProWres. If you’re just going to chill here and look out for my thoughts, click under the cut and every 10-15 minutes, refresh the page to read more as I type it.

Without any further ado, let’s watch the show!

-Officer Colt Cabana is my early favorite for Gimmick of the Year in the Observer Awards. A cop threatening to arrest Juggalos for illegal drug use and general savagery at an ICP event is the easiest, most awesome type of heat humanly possible. I saw him wrestle Sabu at one of their other wrestling events from this Gathering weekend and he tried to get a “5-0” chant started.
-This ring announcer RULES. He’s the most proper-sounding, velvetly-voiced ring announcer you could imagine…yelling stuff like, “ARE YOU NINJAS READY? ARE YOU MOTHER____IN’ NINJAS READYYYYYY?”. I love it.
-Cabana just threatened to arrest the crowd under the “420 ordinance” and then have his way with them sexually in prison (in much more lewd terms).
-The Weedman’s idenity is the worst-kept secret in Midwestern indie wrestling. Let’s just say I won’t dys him.
-They announced Johnny Richter (who I guess is with this band called the Kottonmouth Kings) coming out with Weedman, but there’s no one out there.
-Weedman is using smoke off of a real blunt as Muta-style mist.
-Cabana just got heat off of putting out a blunt. This is perfect pro wrestling. Replace patriotism and morals with marijuana and naked women and it really helps you realize that JCW is 80’s pro wrestling for the degenerates of the world.
-Weedman goes over with the Chronic Kick (a superkick, which is a HILARIOUS Glacier joke).
-I really don’t want to sound like certain newsletter writers, but this really was the most awesome, SIMPLE pro wrestling match ever. These dudes did absolutely nothing, but the crowd was into every second of it. No one got hurt, everyone loved it, and the guys made their money. Pro wrestling at its finest.
-I think there might’ve been some sort of miscommunication, as Weedman was already back on the ramp and had to run back into the ring to be laid out so they could keep heat on Officer Cabana.

-There’s no better example of ICP-style booking than THIS match. Where the heck else would you see this combination of guys in the random “we’ve got nothing for you” three-way second on the card?
-The ring announcer announced that “Ariel” Daivari would be coming out with his brother Shawn, but he didn’t come out either. I guess he was too busy interviewing Dana White? (And yes, it was the ring announcer’s botch; I know his brother’s name is Arya).
-All Daivari had to do to get the crowd behind Road Dogg was announce he’s the world’s biggest Juggalo before he even came out.
-Daivari announced they jumped Road Dogg in the locker room before the match, so they’re starting it as a singles match.
-Daivari just took a front bump on his forehead like a dwarf. I love it.
-It’s so weird, as these two are trying hard to have somewhat of a full match with bumps and brawling out of the ring. It’s not like they’re just sitting in a hold to get heat before Road Dogg comes out to make the save.
-Right as I say that, Road Dogg comes out (in his street clothes) after they do a spot with the steel steps. Road Dogg does his signature stuff on Daivari, but Daivari tosses him…then Joey Ryan comes back into the ring and busts out a big comeback while Dogg (who is wrestling his age, let’s just say) lays outside the ring.
-Daivari brings the stairs and a chair into the ring, then points to the sky. So, of course…that’s SABU’S cue to run into the ring. This match needed to get more random, obviously.
-Joey Ryan goes over after Sabu hits an Arabian Facebuster (legdrop with a chair) on Daivari.
-Just a WEIRD match. Between the heels trying to go out and wrestle hard, Road Dogg’s dubious twenty seconds in the match, and Sabu helping Joey Ryan win, this was something.

JCW Tag Team Titles: THE RING RYDAS (Red Ryda & Blue Ryda) vs THE BRISCOE BROTHERS (Jay & Mark) vs KINGS OF WRESTLING (Chris Hero & Claudio Castagnoli) vs THE HATERS
No idea what their JCW names are, but the Haters look like they have lots of iron in their diets. Very saintly-looking dudes, as well.
-Right when I type that, we find out that the Haters’ names are #1 and #2.
-The ring announcer announces the Kings of Wrestling as the Briscoes, despite…you know, their entrance music having “Kings of Wrestling” in every other lyric.
-Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the Ring Rydas are like a Tiger Mask deal, where there’s a Psychopathic group who rap under the Ring Rydas persona.
-The Rydas’ gimmick is kind of genius, in that they’re pretty much your every-Juggalo. They are VERY much the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express to this specific audience.
-Early on, the JCW teams get to shine and establish themselves (the Rydas got to showcase their flying and the Haters got to establish that, when they’re in there, they’re going to slow things down).
-The Kings end up getting the heat on the much-smaller Red Ryda. Humorous moment where the Blue Ryda tries illegally coming out of his corner for help, so Claudio grabs him in a front facelock and carries him back to the corner effortlessly.
-Claudio takes the Briscoes’ Beale toss INCREDIBLY well for being so huge.
-The Briscoes got eliminated (I guess this is elimination rules) when one of the Haters (#2?) rolled Jay up as they went for a Doomsday Device on Hero.
-The skinnier Hater got tossed RIDICULOUSLY high when the Kings busted out the old Spirit Squad heave-ho finisher on him.
-The chubbier Hater did a shockingly graceful running shooting star press on Hero.
-Totally marked out for the Haters using the Quebecers’ assisted senton.
-The Kings go over with the KRS-1 to become JCW tag champs. Or, at least Chris Hero and “Claudio Castanova”, as the ring announcer called him, did. I guess I completely missed the Rydas’ elimination.
-Solid match, but nothing completely blowaway. But, there’s been nothing worked in this style (the whole ROH “move-heavy”/workrate style) yet, so it stood out.

-Each match has a subtitle. For this one, it’s “Somebody’s Getting Punched for Real”.
-I have NO idea who’s playing Twinkie Hop, but his gimmick is that he only hops and that he has stinky armpits. Only in JCW.
-I don’t know anything about white-kid niche rap feuds, but is the jobber gimmick dude coming out to House of Pain supposed to be a diss from the ICP?
-Butterbean CANNOT be anywhere near healthy. I’ve seen skinnier houses.
-Hop slapped Butterbean and Butterbean BLASTED this dude with a punch. Butterbean wins in mere seconds with the knockout. Butterbean then jumps up and down until the ring bounces the guy out of the ring.
-EUGENE just ran out! Eugene just gave Butterbean a Stunner and bailed. Butterbean completely no-sold the stunner after he thought people were done looking at him. This is RIDICULOUS. Only in JCW.
BOOKER T. (w/Boondox) vs TRACY SMOTHERS (w/Isabella Smothers)
-Boondox is a Psychopathic rapper and Isabella Smothers is female wrestler Mickie Knuckles.
-I enjoy Tracy keeping the whole “Nashville, (area without a Nashville)” hometown gag, even though it’s now Nashville, Kentucky. It’s so close to Tennessee that I adore it.
-Tracy must’ve forgot his gear since he’s wearing sneakers and one of the Briscoes’ pair of boxing shorts.
-Tracy hits his highspots and greatest hits during the promo (“If I hear anybody chanting Booker T or Boondox, everybody dies!”, etc.)
-I don’t see how so many people look up to a rapper that looks like world-reknowned money mark Helter Skelter, but eh, more power to them.
-Nevermind about Tracy forgetting his gear; he just took off the Briscoe shorts to reveal his own trunks.
-Tracy just told Booker to hold off the start of the match “so I can yell at these marks”. ❤ Tracy.
-I enjoy JCW having just as strict of a dialogue rulebook as WWE (i.e.: you can’t be a sportsman, you’re a Juggalo sportsman)
-The entire heat has consisted of Tracy setting up spots so that Isabella can get heat on Booker herself.
-Bull Pain & Ian Rotten run out after a referee bump to attack Booker T…and HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN makes the save before I could make a joke about internet radio shows!
-There’s nothing that makes it clearer that JCW is totally old-style pro wrestling than seeing Jim Duggan being the most over guy on the show.
-Booker wins with the axe kick after the schmozz. Booker obviously wasn’t giving a Wrestlemania performance and it’s not like anyone else involved was at their athletic peak, but this was worth it alone for the Jim Duggan run-in. That run-in and seeing how happy these people was an example of how great wrestling can be.

-Isis is the really, really tall woman who got fired from WWE last year for doing fetish photo shoots.
-I’m guessing Isis’ valet, Sugar Slam, is some female rapper on Psychopathic Records or something.
-Mickie/Isabella is working the absolute perfect match for a giant who can’t work: you let the giant stand in one spot, then bump around everywhere.
-The camera seemed like it was a mile away and you could still see the light in Isis’ abysmal forearms.
-Isabella’s braver than I for going up for an Isis bodyslam or letting Isis give her a big boot.
-Isis beat Isabella with a chokeslam, then tried straddling her and grabbing her chest in something that was far more disturbing than erotic.
-If Isis is as bad as she seemed here, I respect Mickie/Isabella one-hundred times more for getting her through this match without it being embarrassing or someone getting hurt.

-This might be the first show I’ve ever seen where Balls couldn’t get an easy pop off of the AC/DC song.
-If you don’t like the “stand around and stab”-style deathmatches, this isn’t for you.
-This entire match has been “Balls gets beat up in the ring, Chuck Hogan wanders around outside”.
-Balls Mahoney totally just threw up on the ring apron. Wow.
-Balls won with a Nutcracker Suite (Michinoku Driver) through a chair on Necro Butcher. Other than the vomit and the finish, these guys didn’t do much more than bleed.
-Chuck Hogan unmasked as 2 Tuff Tony and turned on Balls Mahoney, then cut a promo to set up a match at Flashlight Wrestling (they did shows at 4 AM each night of the Gathering where the only lights were flashlights given to the fans).

CORPORAL ROBINSON (w/Terry Funk) vs MIKE KNOX (w/Scott D’Amore) vs RAVEN (w/Todd Bridges)

-Yes, THAT Todd Bridges. Again, only in JCW.

-I think this is the only indie booking Mike Knox took after getting his WWE release.

-The graphic before the match referred to Bridges’ charge as “Mystery Opponent”, yet you could blatantly see Raven doing stuff in the background.

-Todd Bridges announced his dude as “Lord Ninja from Okinawa” and yep, it’s Raven in a ninja suit.

-D’Amore cuts a FANTASTIC promo about how he wants to bring down the Juggalo lifestyle and how Mike Knox will bring him the heads of Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J.

-Terry Funk walking down to the ring to an ICP song is just bizarre.

-The Ninja blew mist at Robinson when he got an advantage on Knox (who’s big, but this isn’t one of those clashes when WWE guys wrestle smaller indie guys and you’re taken aback by how huge the WWE guy is).

-Raven undramatically unmasks at a random point during the heat to no reaction.

-They’re pretty much working this as a handicap match with Robinson as the Juggalo superhero babyface.

-Late in the match, the ring empties and D’Amore & Bridges jump in and do a couple of shaky-looking spots. I think post-production and editing helped Bridges look better on Celebrity Championship Wrestling than he might’ve been, judging by this.

-Robinson goes over Raven with the Boot Camp (cobra clutch Russian legsweep).

-Terry Funk gives Raven the spinning toe hold after the match. Not a great match, but like with the Duggan run-in, all of these dudes interacting with each other was so weird that it was fun to watch.

After the match, the Haters jump in the ring and jump Terry Funk, but the good guys send them packing for the pop. But, WHAT THE EFF? Sid Vicious stops the Haters halfway up the ramp and sends them back into the ring! Sid (in his own custom jWo jersey with “Vicious” misspelled on the back) then powerbombed both Haters before DANCING TO AN ICP SONG. I poop you not. What an ending.

Overall, this was a really fun show to watch. If you drop any Juggalo bias (and trust me, it’s REALLY easy to be annoyed by some of those dorks), the shows are EXACTLY what people who are into simple, easy pro wrestling are wanting. They know their fanbase and they deliver shows that are catered to extract emotion and feeling from those people. The heels all represent those who are against the Juggalo deal and their babyfaces are the triumphant Juggalo heroes. It’s nothing more complicated than that.

Add to that the bizarreness of a lot of the matchups and pairings and, while I probably couldn’t watch JCW regularly since I’m not into the Juggalo deal, I can definately enjoy this stuff once a year or so.


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