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WCW ’94 BLOGJECT: 3/12/94

by on April 15, 2011

CAPS LOCK! THIS WEEK! AUSTIN VERSUS STEAMBOAT FOR THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP! HOGAN & GENE HANG OUT ON THE BEACH! FLYIN’ BRIAN FACES THE OBNOXIOUS SHANGHAI PIERCE! SOME MORE DUDESTERS!

They start by hyping that Equalizer’s brother is debuting tonight, as is Col. Rob Parker’s new charge (who I hope is better than the Mongolian Mauler), and the big Hogan interview.

“Flyin'” BRIAN PILLMAN vs TEX SLASHENGER (prounounced “Slay-shin-jer” by Gary Michael Cappetta for some reason)
-Picture collage signs like the one below are absolutely missing in today’s wrestling world:
-Slashenger (the Texican who ended up being Mideon) almost took a header over the top rope selling a Pillman chop.
-Heenan trying to show off his prognosticator side: “Four guys with shaggy hair from England will come to America and make some music.”
-Slashenger busted out one of my five favorite wrestling moves ever: the snap powerslam (i.e.: Samoa Joe, Goldust).
-Pillman beat Slashenger by reversing a piledriver into a hurricanrana. That finish absolutely personifies the difference between the WWF style and WCW at the time. In the WWF, a star would NEVER win a showcase match on TV with anything but his finish.

Gene’s standing by with Ric Flair. Flair cuts a promo about how being the World Champion means defending the belt night after night. Nothing too different than usual.

We come back from commercial as Okerlund’s standing by with Col. Parker and the debuting BUNKHOUSE BUCK!
He’s hyped by Col. Parker as the meanest guy in the South…but he seemed pretty jolly to me. Well, until he says that he’s not leaving the building without hitting someone.
TOM ZENK vs Sgt. BUDDY LEE PARKER
-Neither guy gets an entrance. I’m kind of thinking they needed something to fill time with and they used a dark match (which they did do at the Center Stage tapings) to fill it.
-Tom Zenk was HUGE in 1994. I can’t believe this man, at one point, was a light heavyweight.
-Weird spot where Zenk went for a Thesz press into the corner and Parker had to catch and hold him in the air just to make it look not-stupid.
-They’re legitimately debating on commentary why you’d call Tom ZENK the “Z-Man”.
-Tom Zenk wins with a standing sidekick, but Bunkhouse Buck runs in the SECOND the bell rings and lays out both guys.
-I love Bunkhouse Buck more than most, but how the HECK did they expect a goofy-looking Randy Quaid doppleganger to get over as a monster heel?

CONTROL CENTER IS BACK!
-Gene announces Boss versus Vader for Spring Stampede, as well as “Japan’s The Great Muta”. Yes, Gene read it EXACTLY like that.
Okerlund gets in his weekly hotline shill and promotes that he has news on a new love in Sting’s life. The continued WCW fan-fic will never cease to amaze me.

RON SIMMONS vs RON SHEPARD
-Despite being a heel, Ron Simmons is the most popular dude that’s been on this show in weeks.
-Note to Ron Shepard: bicep bands don’t give you muscles.
-Schiavone: “Ron Simmons has a real right hand.” Really? He’s not a Von Erich?
-Simmons wins with a RIDICULOUS spinebuster. Like, I felt it in 2011.

So, is he going to cheat on his wife or something?

“Jungle” JIM STEEL vs BRIAN ARMSTRONG
-If you missed it last time: Brian Armstrong is the Road Dogg.
-Jim Steel almost murdered Armstrong on an armdrag. How do you do that?
-They’ve legitimately been in a wristlock for over ninety seconds. On the plus side, no one’s getting hurt.
-Is WCW the first group to use this camera angle?
-Steel goes over with the Steel Trap. Seriously…when did this dude’s push end?

They air clips from the Nasties/Jack & Payne from Superbrawl and watching THIS will never get old (I had the screencap saved on my computer elsewhere):

THE NASTY BOYS vs DUDES IN ROBES

-For real, it’s just dudes in robes.
-OH SNAP, THE LITTLE ROBED MAN JUST THREW A FIREBALL IN SAGGS’ FACE! IT’S THE SULLIVANS!

The Nasties run off and the Sullivan Brothers go over to Okerlund to do a promo. Sullivan talks about how he sent Dave (who he calls by that name) to be taken care of by someone, but they let him down and he’s dealing with them later. The Evad thing starts with Dave calling himself by that name, but Kevin smacking him upside the head to get him to stop. This is so weird, WCW setting up a new feud for the Nasty Boys before they finish the Cactus/Payne feud.

Teddy Long is with Okerlund after the commercial. He shills HIS Hotline segment on Fridays. This Hotline thing is getting ridiculous.

JOHNNY B. BADD vs TONY ZANE
-That’s a hideous dude.
-If Tony Zane didn’t have thumbs, I don’t know what he’d do. His entire offensive attack consists of closed fists and eye pokes.
-Zane totally just took a header on a flying headscissors spot. It’s always fun when guys try new moves on enhancement guys who had never seen the move done before.
-Badd wins with a straight right hand.

They really must’ve needed to fill TV time, since they aired the entire Freebirds/Badd saga from Superbrawl 4 after the match.

We go to Gene Okerlund standing by with Brian Pillman (wearing his second bedazzled vest of the night). Pillman cuts a promo on Lord Steven Regal, who I assume he’s going into a feud with. He blasts Regal for sticking his nose up at Americans who gave him a chance to become a worldwide star like the WCW fans. Between this and his infamous Jushin Liger “they’re stealing all of our auto business” promo, Pillman was adept at cutting rah-rah USA promos.

Lord STEVEN REGAL vs BILL SEIGLER
-Speaking of enhancement guys looking bad doing spots they’ve never seen before, Regal trying British lancashire-style spots with Seigler was more awkward than when your mom caught you alone with that Tawny Kitean fold-out in sixth grade.
-Regal FOLDED this dude tossing him off during a monkey flip attempt:
-Seigler is AWFUL. It took him five seconds to set up a small package.
-Regal went over with a butterfly suplex. I don’t think Regal EVER won with the butterfly suplex.

Lord Regal & Sir William go down to talk to Gene Okerlund. Regal was quite high-larious here, asking where Miami was in “Oh-Highio”. Regal took credit for inventing 2,000 holds in professional wrestling and was completely unimpressed by Pillman’s amateur credentials.

We go to Okerlund on the set of Thunder in Paradise with Hulk Hogan…’s stunt double.
But for real, Hulk Hogan walks in. This is SO stinkin’ weird. They’re showing the Shockmaster as if he’s just another actor:
Bobby Heenan walks onto the set and tries pushing Hogan to talk about unfinished business in the ring. Okerlund automatically ties it to Ric Flair (and shills Pro Wrestling Illustrated in the process). Hogan cuts a promo on Heenan, then pretty much sets up a match in the future with Flair. Just a bizarre first segment if WCW knew they had Hogan at that point. They shot a really vague angle with the biggest star in the business that put all of the heat on the color commentator and interviewer. Oh, and I enjoyed them thinking Hogan needed a title chyron on a wrestling show…

Number One Contendership: RICKY “The Dragon” STEAMBOAT vs “Stunning” STEVE AUSTIN (w/Col. ROBERT PARKER)

-They did one of the most painful-looking, awesome wristlock spots in the history of my viewing of wrestling at the beginning of this match. Between Steamboat’s twitchy selling and Austin’s ridiculously great cranking, it looked KILLER.
-They hyped that Ric Flair would respond to Hogan next week.
-Steamboat had Austin in a headlock for minutes on end, but since these guys know how to work, it wasn’t boring at all. They kept moving, teasing reversals, selling big, and so on.
-Steve Austin had a super-underrated spinebuster.
-HOT finishing sequence where Austin blocked a sunset flip by holding onto Col. Parker…but Steamboat kept popping his shoulder up, then they exchanged a bunch of nearfalls. The PLACE WENT BONKERS! Col. Parker got involved, so Ric Flair made the save. Steamboat, in the excitement, chopped Flair on accident and Flair got MAD. But, he got mad like a real person and just stood there and complained to his friend instead of started throwing swings.
-I was kind of iffy on the match, but the finishing sequence was INCREDIBLE. Like, maybe the best thing I’ve seen on these shows so far.

STING vs RON VEGAS
-Go back to prior WCW ’94 Blogjects to see how hideous Ron Vegas’ jackets were. It really takes a man with an awful ring jacket to have more hideous gear than Sting.
-Vegas took a RIDICULOUS “TIIIIIIIMBER!” bump before the quick Scorpion Deathlock finish in a nothing squash that went about thirty seconds.

After the match, Sting cuts a promo about wanting to get Rick Rude in the ring for Spring Stampede for the WCW International belt. Every Sting promo ever wrapped into one. Also, I don’t know if it translates to the screencap, but Sting’s tan looked AWFUL:

With that, we close out another edition of the Blogject. This week’s show was interesting for the Hogan interview. That bizarre segment got the ball rolling on the single biggest change in WCW history and was a turning point in the company. Beyond that, the only other reasons to watch this episode would be to see Bunkhouse Bunk’s goofy debut and the single best minute of wrestling TV on these shows so far in 1994 (the final minute of Austin/Steamboat.

-TOM.
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