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1994 WCW BLOGJECT: 1/15

by on March 21, 2011

Like I said in the first post, please don’t expect these on either an often or regular basis, but I got bored today and decided to make some progress on this big boy. Plus, it’s fun and the 90-minute episodes don’t kill too much of my day. That’s what life’s about, eh?

TONIGHT ON THE SHOW! PILLMAN VERSUS AUSTIN! PRETTY WONDERFUL VERSUS SALT & PEPPER REMATCH! JOHNNY B. BADD VERSUS TEX SLASHENGER! ERIK WATTS…still has a job? AND HE’S FACING LORD REGAL FOR THE TV TITLE!

(more after the jump…)

Rematch for Manhood: PRETTY WONDERFUL (Paul Roma & Paul Orndorff) vs 2 COLD SCORPIO & MARCUS BAGWELL

Schiavone claimed that sign said “Paulina”. Me thinks they don’t teach reading comprehension at the WCW School of Talking Into Microphones Loudly. Now, the whole crowd is chanting “Paulina”. Well, that’s one way to clear up the Benoit/Jericho-like Paul mess.
The opening of this match had one of the most creative covers for a botch ever, as Scorpio went for a running high crossbody on Orndorff, but something happened where Orndorff was either a step ahead or Scorpio was a step behind, because Orndorff was just hittng the ropes as Scorpio flew, so Scorpio landed on his face. But, instead of getting an “OH…DUH!” face like most guys, Orndorff ran over Scorpio like it was a dropdown and they started running a new spot.

The match gets awkward like two seventh graders making out when Bagwell walks over for the hot tag like nothing had happened to him during the heat, then Roma showed as much grace during Scorpio’s comeback as a fat kid boxing (including a HIDEOUS rolling cradle attempt where Scorpio somehow gave himself an ugly Storm Cradle driver). The afformentioned botched cradle got Scorpio the win, but post-match, Orndorff clotheslined Scorpio out of his boots (he seriously took the most ridiculously graceful flip bump you’ll EVER see) and Roma dropped his ugly top rope elbow. Hopefully next week, we get Scorpio/Orndoff in a singles match.

Brian Pillman had to cut a 30-second promo with that thing on his hand. But hey, at least he gets in a hip Dire Straits quote.

RON SIMMONS vs SCOTT STUDD

Studd, if you didn’t know, ended up being Scotty Riggs. Studd, much like Bill Payne last week, showed a high proficiency for eating shit on the turnbuckle catapult. Question: how the hell does Simmons’ old gorilla press gutbuster where he dropped the opponent on his own head do anything but break his own neck? It just looks awkward.

After doing that manuever, Simmons looks at his adoring ghetto kid fans in the cheap seats (WCW didn’t want ugly poor people up front, so they moved all the poor people, most of whom were African-American, into the shadowy bleachers) and yelled, “THIS IS HOW YOU KICK A MAN’S ASS!”. One of them, upon hearing Ron’s demandment, took notes, studied the tape over and over to observe how exactly to kick a man’s ass, and that poor black child grew up to be UFC Welterweight Champion Georges St. Pierre.

Promo with Ron Simmons at ringside. Ice Train strolled out, wearing the SINGLE MOST HIDEOUS LEATHER JACKET EVER. It looked like a trash bag blouse. Simmons keeps trying to get his protege, Train, to drop out of their match at the Clash since, in Ron’s words, “he’s not ready”. Ron then slapped the Train, who sold it in the single most incredulous way possible.

CONTROL CENTER!!! Gene claims he was the expert who told Ric Flair that, if you beat a 450-pound madman for his World Title, he will want a rematch. Oh, Gene. Sting claimed during a pretaped promo in this segment that he and Ric Flair will face Vader and Rick Rude in the “single most important match in history” at the Clash. There was an eight-page chapter in the WWE Encyclopedia dedicated to it, that’s how important it was. HUGE! Gene’s big hotline scoop this week was slightly less scandalous than two wrestlers doing it; it was about the Superbrawl main event. WHO CARES? I demand to know where Koko B. Ware is dipping his pen!

“The Natural” DUSTIN RHODES vs THE GAMBLER

The Gambler, unfortunately, did not have the game cards just yet. But, he did have some sweet backwards kickpads. Dustin did NOT eff around; he won with the bulldog after just the announcers’ fifth Kenny Rogers reference. (Side-note: judging by the replay, apparently WCW recorded an instrumental version of Rhodes’ fantastic “Natural” entrance song.)

CACTUS JACK & MAXX PAYNE vs BOB COOK & THE SHEIK

They aired clips of the Nasty Boys running in during a Maxx & Jack/Pretty Wonderful match on Worldwide, but that’s not important. What IS important is that a man RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT teamed up with an evil Middle-Easterner who wanted to bring down the all-American nutjobs…

Thunder and/or Lightning’s too-high dropkick from last week is even more impressive, seeing Cook stand a couple of inches over the huge Cactus Jack. Maxx Payne, if you don’t know me, is my favorite wrestler ever who wrestled in pajamas. Dude was this awesome suplex machine who was shockingly great at applying his amateur wrestling background into worked matches, especially just looking at him. Payne & Jack win when Payne puts the Sheik in his Payne Killer (Fujiwara armbar). It was especially badass since Cook ran in to break it up, kicked Payne RIGHT in the face, and Maxx just looked at him like, “Once I let up, your head is getting ripped the hell off”.  Oh, and for those of you wondering who the Sheik was?

Promo at ringside with Payne & Jack where Cactus Jack somehow manages to bring Flintstones analogies into this promo about murdering the Nasty Boys and ends his portion with, “We’ll have a yabba dabba, gay ol’ time!”. THEN THEY GO TO COMMERCIAL PLAYING THE FLINTSTONES THEME SONG. I SHIT YOU NOT. HOLY CRAP.

World TV Title: ERIK WATTS vs “Lord” STEVEN REGAL

To show how detailed logic was, even in ridiculous 1994 WCW, Tony Schiavone goes WAY out of his way to explain why a Sir (Sir William, aka Bill Dundee) is valeting for a Lord (the story being that William lost a bet). Schiavone even acknoledges Dundee was a wrestler, as he says that, if Regal lost the bet, William would’ve wrestled in WCW and Regal would be the valet. Jesse Ventura responds to this by asking if he got the info from Alfred Hayes (who was still with the WWF, I believe).

The story of the match is that Watts knows he can win with his STF and CONSTANTLY goes for it, but Regal makes sure to never leave ropeside and therefore can consistantly get rope breaks. The great thing about the ten-minute time limit TV Title matches is, when you have a heel like Regal whose schtick is that he’s the TV champion who constantly gets out of title matches by the skin of his teeth, it gives you this ready-made story for each match where the babyface can do his best stuff, run wild, get some hot nearfalls, and it can’t overstay its welcome. It’s a super-simple match that Arn Anderson perfected during his run with the belt, but Regal came in, made it his own, and I think might have somehow been more of a master at it than Arn. Regal won with the Regal Roll (abdominal stretch cradle) in a darned good little match.

TEX SLASHENGER (w/ Shanghai Pierce) vs. JOHNNY B. BADD

I think they had announced the short-lived Badd/Michael Hayes team by this point, so this was to set up their only feud, with Pierce & Tex (who were later The Godwinns and Southern Justice in the WWF). Really short match where Johnny did some basic armdrags and such, and then…he just won. Simple as that. Shanghai Pierce jumps in after the match for a big schmozz that ends up being boot-centric. Tony claims that “anybody could be under the mask”. Really? Big chubby white dude with a mullet, you take the mask off, and it’s El Gigante? C’mon, bud.

Promo with Badd & Mean Gene. He calls out Shanghai, then this awkwardness goes down…

“Stunning” STEVE AUSTIN (w/ Col. Rob Parker) vs “Flyin'” BRIAN PILLMAN

To think they planted most of these signs (Pillman was the face)…

Pillman comes out, literally doing puppetry with the chicken head from the promo earlier. Tony pitched to a commercial…then they just kept rolling until the bell rang. It literally took them over half of a minute to go to this damned commercial.

When they come back, they come back to one hell of a match. Pillman goes for a Figure Four early and it caused me to think of how weird the Figure Four has been used throughout the years. It’s associated with unarguably the face of the NWA/WCW, yet it seemed like most everyone with some sort of push in that company had it in their moveset. It’s not like you see Primo doing the F-U on Superstars as a transition to his heat.

The announcers start speculating about who the Commissioner will be when he’s announced at the Clash (after last week hyping it’d be Red Bastien, this week it was Sir William and Ray Stevens for the second week in a row…I mean, seriously? I understand underhyping, but get people’s hopes ridiculously low?). They even allude that they won’t follow the stips of the Parker/Pillman “chicken suit” match at the Clash in some sort of bizarre way to hype the match. This is ridiculous.

People compare Dolph Ziggler to Mr. Perfect a LOT (I mean, the dude’s entrance song is even called “Perfection”), but after watching some old Stunning Steve lately, that’s the dude that I see influencing Ziggler’s style WAY more. Dolph’s offense is way more similar to Austin’s and Austin was an underrated big bumper who was way closer to Dolph’s huge bumps than Perfect’s were to Dolph. Dolph was an Ohio kid, but by the time he was young, WCW had already gone national too, so I doubt, if he was watching wrestling, he was territorial at all. Plus, I’m sure they shove Austin down the wrestlers’ throats in developmental since he was an international mega-star who knew how to draw money in the WWF/WWE style, and Hennig is a guy who fans remember fondly, but WWE doesn’t really push as that level of legend.

Pillman won with a cool-looking swinging small package reversal of an Austin bodyslam, and for some reason, they cut to a little kid giving the thumbs-down to the babyface triumphing. This show is so weird. Show ends with Dustin Rhodes saving Pillman from a post-match beatdown to set up the main event for the next night’s Main Event.

So, that does it…I enjoyed this episode slightly less than the previous one almost exclusively because of the main event tag on the last show, but I loved Regal/Watts and Austin/Pillman and the ridiculousness quotient was way higher this week.

-TOM.

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